Bring Back Spontaneity In Your Marriage

Recently we were at an event promoting our Roarin' 20's Ball and I met a woman that had been married 4 years. She said that marriage had become stale and predictable. She wanted to know how she could change that and bring the spark back to their relationship. Spontaneity is the answer. Spontaneity will create the spark and magic back into your relationship. Feeling stuck as to how to be spontaneous? Here are a few tips to help you be spontaneous in your marriage.

  1. Touch each other. I don't just mean sex, but holding hands, back massages, pinching booties, and stroking hair. This kind of intimacy is vital for the success of marriage.

  2. Listen to each other. That means put away your phones and computers and really listen to each other. Validate their feelings by hearing them and acknowledging them.

  3. Change it up. Get rid of the boring routines we find ourselves in day to day. Stop doing the same ol' same ol'.

  4. Book a romantic getaway. Even one night alone will help you reconnect together.

According to The Huffington Post, Dr. Tom Stevens, consultant psychiatrist at London Bridge Hospital, explained, “Lack of curiosity in relationships is often a problem.” Dr. Stevens continued, “When one partner feels they know everything about the other partner, it can cause them to become disinterested. This is where spontaneity can be very helpful. Curiosity can be provoked by unpredictable circumstances, which are more likely to emerge with risk-taking."

So, those are great tips, but how do we put it into practice?

Physical Touch

After 70 years of marriage I often saw my grandparents kiss each other, sit in a chair together, and give each other squeezes. They were the cutest couple EVER and I aspired to be like them. What I didn't know then, that I know now; physical touch can falter if you lose spontaneity.

When someone hugs you, you have a physical reaction to them and your feelings towards them improves. Just think about the last time you goosed your spouse to put a smile on their face and yours for that matter.

Get the spontaneity back by hugging your spouse for 15 seconds. At first it's awkward, but then you'll really melt into their arms. Snuggle your neck into theirs and just relax your body. Stop being tense and so busy. I know there are dishes to wash, kids are needing attention, you have to get to work, but the most important person in your life needs a lingering hug. Put your attention into it!


Listening and hearing are two different things. In marriage it's important to listen to what your spouse is saying. It's also important to know how to say it, so that the person listening can understand. Wait, what?

There's a fantastic speaker series called Marriage For Eternity by Dr John Lund. He talks about a couple that had been married for 50 years and they came into his office for marriage counseling. She was furious at him because he just never understood and wasn't meeting her needs. He was clueless as to why his wife was fuming at him.

They began to tell a story about one day they were driving down the road and she says, "I'm hot." He thinks to himself, this woman is hot and responds in agreement, "It sure is hot." Then a few minutes later she says, "I'm thirsty." He thinks to himself, I better get this woman home and get her a drink of water, so he guns it to get her home. He couldn't figure out why she was furious with him.

So, Dr Lund asked her some questions to clarify what she was thinking. She said, "I was hot and wanted him to turn on the air conditioning. I was thirsty and I wanted him to stop at the gas station and get me a drink."

He then went on to explain that content communication in marriage is vital to help each of your needs to be met and to strengthen your relationship. He explained to the woman that what she should have said, "I'm hot, I'd like for you to turn on the air conditioning. I'm thirsty, I'd like for you to stop at this 7/11 and go inside and buy me a 32 oz cherry slushy."

If you heard that, would you be able to clearly see what your spouse wanted and needed? This is why it's important to listen to our spouse, but also communicate your needs clearly through content communication.

Change Routines

Ever been stuck in a rut and you feel like you are going no where? It's boring and monotonous. Married life can get that way as you go through the everyday motions. Schedule a Family Business Meeting to discuss your week. Download an agenda and guidelines for the Family Business Meeting courtesy of Family Money Coaching.

Family Business Meeting (1)
Download PDF • 94KB

Part of changing your routine is living with intention and that's what the agenda and guidelines for the Family Business Meeting will help you achieve. Be intentional about what you do together every week. I love that it includes planning a date night because you are putting your relationship first.

Check out our date night ideas on Pinterest!

Book A Romantic Getaway

We'd love to plan your next romantic getaway for you. When you book with us, we have you fill out a questionnaire to help us determine your likes and dislikes, dreams and desires, and your budget. Then we begin to plan a magical romantic getaway that will help you bring back that spark. We think of the tiny details that make you say, "This is the best experience ever!"

For those of you that want to DIY your own romantic getaway, here are some resources for you to help you plan it.

Bring Back That Spark

We can assure you that as you do the above 4 things, your relationship will be stronger than ever. You'll look forward to greeting your spouse at the door when they come home and you'll enjoy living with them. Marriage can be hard, but it can be fun too. Don't let life happen and then you wake up one day and you don't know your spouse. Make it intentional spontaneity.

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