Just Bite Your Tongue To Be Kind To Your Spouse

When was the last time you did something kind for your spouse? I mean, not motivated by anything, you just did it because you were being kind to them.

I'll never forget the relationship that my grandparents had with each other. They were married for 73 years before my grandfather passed away. They were a picture of kindness to each other. My grandma would get a smile on her face and kiss my grandpa when he came into the house. She'd sit in his lap and kiss his cheek and he'd say, this is my favorite girlfriend.

One day grandpa said, "Do you know why I wash the dishes after your grandma makes dinner? I do it because I love her and I know it means alot to her."

My grandma says, "I cut up his grapefruit and section it apart because I love him."

I noticed that she'd always make him a pecan pie at Thanksgiving and Christmas because he didn't like pumpkin pie. He always filled her gas tank and washed her car.

When my grandma was 79 she came down with shingles and was bedridden for weeks. She never fully recovered from the pain and they spent 2 years going to doctors before she received an implant to help her with her pain. One day I was visiting them and my grandpa began talking about those few weeks. He said it pained him to see her withering in pain. He began to tear up and he said if he could, he'd take that pain upon himself to stop having to see her hurt so much.

That moment, I FELT the love that they had for each other. They were always kind to each other. Even when my grandpa got dementia and most patients get mean, he was always kind to her. She said, she knew then that he truly was a good man because he didn't have a mean bone in his body. She took care of him until his 90th birthday and the family persuaded her to put him in an assisted living facility because it was causing her to fail.

Every day she drove down there and brought him his favorite cookie. He didn't remember her name, but as soon as he saw her, he'd light up and say, "Well hello, sweetheart!"

That's kindness.

Just Bite Your Tongue

Love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness. First. - The Love Dare

Kindness begins with you. It starts with you taking the initiative to be kind. (Yeah, but if he was nice to me, then I'll be nice back.) Nonsense. Kindness spreads. It's infectious. If you want to be treated kindly, then treat others kindly. (Yeah, but it's so hard.) Yes. Yes, it is. Sometimes it requires biting your tongue.

Which brings me to another story. This one is about my parents. They've been married 50 years. When I got married, both of them sat me down privately and gave me advice.

My mom says, you see your dad's office? It drives me crazy. Because I love your dad, I bite my tongue and don't say anything to him about how messy it is and how he needs to clean it up. I don't say anything because I don't want it to come between us.

My dad pulls me aside and says, you see your mom's sewing room upstairs? It drives me crazy all that material and the piles of sewing supplies. I bite my tongue because I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying something.

I found it humorous that both of them said the same thing. I never realized that I'd have to bite my tongue when it came to my husband. He likes to collect old computer parts. I won't discuss it here, because I'm biting my tongue. I don't want it to become a thorn that festers in our relationship.

Weekly Challenge

Say nothing negative towards your spouse today. Do an unexpected act of kindness towards them.

Here are a few suggestions on what to do that's kind, just in case you are struggling.

  • Wash the dishes without being asked

  • Make breakfast or lunch for them, but make it special like cutting up their grapefruit for them

  • Fill up the gas tank and vacuum out the car

  • Hold their hand while going on a walk

  • Kiss them (We love the suggestions from The Art of Kissing on types of kisses.)

  • Send them a text to say "I'm thinking of you."

  • Write a message on his/her mirror with a dry erase marker

  • Buy his/her favorite treat

  • Tell him/her why you love them or why you married them

  • Make the bed

  • Buy them flowers or chocolate from the Club of the Month

  • Create an Exotic Destination Date at home.

  • Purchase a Romance In a Box for Date Night With Your Honey

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